I need to watch more daytime TV...

SOooooo...

My psychiatrist royally pissed me off. I knew he was going to. We really don't get along.. which doesn't bode well, generally speaking. I even "wasted" a whole hour with my psychologist on Tuesday worrying and strategizing how I was going to get through my appointment with Dr H. without letting make me feel helpless or hopeless.

For a little background.. I started seeing Dr. George. in December of 2008. I wanted a doctor closer to home (I had been driving a good 45 minutes each way for a 20 minute appointment). I selected a doctor in the same group as my psychologist, whom I've been seeing since getting out of McLean back in 2006.. so Dr. Ken knows me.

Dr. George welcomed me into his practice by turning my life upside down and changing my meds like 8 times within a two month period of time. Suddenly I was miserable.. panicking all the time, vaguely suicidal in an "i wouldn't act on it" kinda way and just feeling crappy in general. Then.. to top it off.. I had that seizure back in Feb of 2009. That capped it all off. I was right in the middle of a full blown argument with Dr. George over whether he was off his rocker for labeling me bipolar after seeing me 3 times and effing with my meds before getting to know me or my medical history. Dr. Ken agreed with me.. I suffer from depression.. sometimes worse than others.. I also suffer from generalized anxiety.. sometimes worse than others.. plus I'm agoraphobic and don't do well with social situation.. again.. sometimes worse than others. None of these things fit the bipolar label. Hell.. if I was bipolar.. McLean would have given me that label.. they are WAY into labels.

Ok.. so I called him on it.. I did research and I made an appointment to specifically challenge his diagnosis and I refused to take the new medications he was thinking of trying until I understood his rationale better.

It was at this moment that he totally wrote me off. I'd walk into his office and he'd say "how are you".. then he'd say "ok.. don't change anything and come back in 6 months". for a bit.. that was fine. i was going through the post-seizure testing and then the iron replacement and the last thing i felt like doing was messing around with psych meds.

Unfortunately.. time hasn't made this better. For the past few months I've noticed that my regular meds haven't been working as well on my anxiety. I brought this up to him. He said "I don't want to change your meds.. it's fine". I forced him into letting me try the Abilify. I figured that it couldn't hurt. He agreed and here we are..

I sound like my tongue got cut off. I even went to far as to figure out an internet/telephone relay system to use at work for days when my speech is really wacked. I went back to Dr George on Wednesday and he lived up to my expectations. He said "well.. i don't know what to tell you.. there is nothing i can give you.. what do you want me to do". At this point, I burst into tears and told him off.

SOOooooooooo... I took a mental health day yesterday and took the time to talk with my neurologist who is one of those cool doctors who actually knows me and spends the time to talk on the phone and really discuss things with me. While Dr. George was adament that it wasn't the Abilify (I quote.. "you can't prove that it's the Abilify.. it could be anything").. Dr Marie (neurologist) said "ugh.. you shouldn't have been on that in the first place since you have a pre-existing condition with the movement disorder. Dr. George told me that it would probably stop in a day or two or else it definitely wasn't related to the Abilify. Dr. Marie said that it could last for 2 to 3 weeks depending on how long it takes my brain to relax from the extra stimulus. If it's still bothering me then, then I'll go in to see her and we'll look into starting me on some other meds to help put it back into remission.

I tend to have a general feeling that people who file lawsuits against random doctors or random people who cause a fender bender are.. well.. trashy. I'm fairly sure that I'm going to file a claim against this guy though. I really don't care if I get any kind of a settlement.. I just want his medical malpractice insurance to show a hit on it. He's mucking with my life. I'm exhausted from trying to talk and in pain from the constant muscle spasms. He can bite me and my lawyer.

Now I just need to watch some daytime TV to find a "good" medical malpractice lawyer. Just kidding.. I have a strict rule against hiring legal help that feels the need to ambulance chase.