Plastic hippos

This morning was one for the record books. It could have been much worse if I was a single parent.. but thankfully, Shiela and I can tag-team it once in a while.

Ben woke up at about 4am. He did this yesterday too, but he went right back to sleep after a quick hug. Today.. he was up. Shiela got up with him (THANK GOD). I can't say that I slept well from 4am - 7am.. but I did nod off a few times. At 7, Shiela called in from the other room saying that she had to start getting ready. I took the pillow off of my head and mumbled something about "bring him in here".

Her response? "He won't stay.." I grumbled something like "I know".. ::grumble::

Surprisingly, Ben snuggled right in. He had his bink, we put Thomas on, and he was asleep before the end of the episode. Snoring.

Around 7:45, I dragged myself out of bed.. actually.. I vaulted and did a kung-fu move trying to get to the alarm clock before it woke up Ben. He didn't budge.. binky half-hanging out of his mouth. Snoring.

I took a shower and got ready for work.. then packed up my things and packed a lunch for Ben.. it was now 8:15 and he was still out cold. Snoring.

I decided to put his pink eye meds on his eyes while he was sleeping instead of having to battle him when he was awake. I smeared some of the cream on each eye.. he rolled over.. put his bink back in his mouth.. and kept sleeping. Snoring.

It was a tough debate.. I was very tempted to grab the next Twilight book (i finished book 2 last night) and read a few chapters while letting him wake up on his own. The responsible adult in me made the decision, knowing that I had a stack of things waiting for me at work along with a meeting downtown today.

I woke him up.

Yeah.

Bad move.

Stupid Mommy.

Ben proceeded to SCREAM his little red head off for the next 20 minutes. Not just scream. He screamed and thrashed and gagged and hit and... well, you get the idea. It wasn't pretty. My peaceful little angel of a child.. yeah. not.

So I quietly sang the ABC song while changing his diaper.. trying to hold his lanky little body so I could put his new diaper on.. easier said than done. The whole time he was shrieking and yanking at whatever I was trying to do. If I was trying to take off a shirt.. he was trying to pull it on. If I was trying to put on a shirt.. he was trying to pull it off.

A B C D E F Geeee....

I managed to get him completely dressed. Quite thankful that I had already packed up his lunch and that all of our things were stacked by the door. I picked up the puddle of a child, who proceeded to wipe snot and tears all over my sweater, and tried to carry him into the living room without either knocking his noggin against a doorframe by accident or tripping.

H I J K Elemenohpeeee...

I put his jacket on. It was about 24 degrees outside. I put his hat on. He hit the ceiling. The hat. He went nuts. I told him he didn't have to wear the hat, but he had to wear the jacket. He was still going nuts. I took the hat off of him.. he yelled and tried to put it back on. I tried to help him put it back on.. he yelled and threw it.

Q R S....

I put my laptop bag over one shoulder and his diaper bag over the other shoulder (after putting on my own jacket and making a big show out of not screaming when MY jacket was put on me.. yeah.. like that helped). I threw him over my shoulder picked him up and grabbed his backpack and stumbled to the door. As I was trying to get the two of us out of the door without dropping anything, the cat made his move.. there is nothing that an indoor cat loves more than the brief escape into the stairwell.. it's almost like getting all the way outside, but not as scary.

T U V...

I was making up my own curse words at this point. Ben was still screaming and gagging. I had closed the door trying to block the cat in and the little crap bag made it out just before I closed it. Unfortunately, my keys were buried in my jacket pocket under the boy and behind a laptop bag. I had to put all of our bags down (and a screaming baby.. who proceeded to lay on his back on the floor and kick at me) so I could dig out my keys and open the front door. At this point, the cat was worried about the screaming child, so he actually came back up the stairs by himself. I threw him inside.

W X...

Before closing the door again, I remembered that I hadn't grabbed my cell phone. I scooped up the baby, went inside.. put him down on the couch, where he proceeded to reach for anything he could grab and throw across the room while kicking his feet.. and ran around looking for my cell phone. No dice. I gave up.. to hell with the phone.. it's never charged anyway!

Y Zeeeeee.....

I scooped the baby back up.. ducked before being hit by a flying remote control.. and headed back for the door. I had the boy hanging from one arm.. flailing... and our bags dragging behind us as I stumbled down the stairs and around the house to the car. There was ice on the driveway. Lovely.

In the car.. I put El Jarabe Tapatio on "repeat" (mexican hat dance) and started to sing "I love you.. you love me.. " from Barney... The screaming kicked up a notch.. as did the gagging and heaving and coughing. Just a half hour earlier I was sitting on the edge of the bed watching this peaceful baby sleep. and snore.

We got to daycare and stumbled in. All three of the women come rushing over. Ruth said something in spanish in a sing-songy voice and Ben reached for her. He gave her a big hug and then proceeded to give me the silent treatment. I explained the morning asking her to call me if he doesn't settle down and also filled her in on the pink eye thing (turns out another kid had it too.. go figure).. and then headed out the door.

I sat in the car.. it was silent. I turned the key.. turned off the stereo.. and slowly backed out of their driveway. All of a sudden there is this roar from the back seat.. it's followed by "I know I'm every hippos dream" in a raspy electronic voice.

It repeated every time we hit a bump.. all the way to work. A little plastic hippo from a McDonald's happy meal saying "I know I'm every hippos dream" over and over again.

I need a nap.