Green Tubes... Check!

Ok.. so Benji got his ear tubes yesterday and we are very proud of what a big boy he was. I have a long story to write about it.. like usual.. complete with pictures.. but I haven't had the chance to sit down and write.. doh! So.. to hold you over.. here are some pics!

Virtually "pain free" hair removal...

Check out my first blog posting over at Skirt!

I thought I'd jump right in.. *laff* I'm determined to make waves over there! This is what they get for labeling ME a trendsetter!

Virtually "pain free" hair removal...

This definitely qualifies as TMI:

Let me set the stage.

I am Italian and Irish. All of my hair follicles are Italian and all of my skin cells are Irish. I also have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which causes lots of fun hormonal crap like infertility, weight gain and.. yes.. male-pattern hair growth. As a result, I have spent all of my adult life struggling with the topic of hair removal and self-esteem.

When I was younger, I was very self-conscious about my image. How gross was it that I could grow more facial hair than most 18 year old boys. I would take hour-long showers which would include shaving just about every inch of my body.

To complicate matters further, I have just about THE MOST sensitive skin out there. If I walk down a perfume aisle, my skin will break out in a rash (and I’ll have an asthma attack). I can only use certain soaps and one wrong move in the shaving department would leave me with little cute patterns of razor burn all over my body.

Tack on the weight gain associated with PCOS and I had a rough time during my teenage years!

Fast-forward. I’m now 34 years old and happily married. I have a 2 year old beautiful son. I am completely content with my follicular status. The solution? The product that saved my self esteem?

Hate to burst your bubble, ladies, but for me.. it was just a matter of growing up and becoming comfortable with myself. No magical cream or little gadget that painlessly removed all of the hair forever.

Now.. that said, just because I’m comfortable with myself doesn’t mean I still don’t try every product and procedure under the sun. I’ve tried every chemical ever labeled for sensitive skin hair removal (translation: it removes the skin and leaves the hair) and have spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on needles and lasers and weed-wackers, oh my!

So.. as the self-proclaimed expert on the subject.. do I still spend an hour a day in the shower? Heck no! I have a toddler.. I’m lucky if I snag 10 minutes to myself. I usually have the shower curtain thrown back about 7 minutes into it by a little red headed dude who hands me my glasses and says “mommy, all done”.

To be honest, I seem to have become a bit bi-polar when it comes to hair removal. It’s currently mid-winter and we’re broke. As a result, I haven’t shaved south of the equator for close to three months and I’m starting to resemble something off of the Discovery Channel. I really could care less, aside from the fact that my hair is so thick that it occasionally makes my skin hurt from rubbing against my pants. Also.. I don’t wear skirts.. that’s key.

Like I said though.. I tend to go through mood swings. When I’m not on shaving strike, I tend to go to extremes.

wax.jpg



I’ve become a huge fan of waxing. It feels strikingly like sticking your arm in a wood chipper, but the results are fantastic. It’s also great for releasing tension after a long week at work. I’m not sure what it says about your life when going in for a waxing session sounds relaxing. I’ll blog about that another time!

Now. Leg waxing isn’t a big deal. Ripping out hair in huge chunks is never pleasant, but after the first few strips, you start to lose consciousness and it doesn’t seem to hurt as badly. There are a few areas that really hurt. For me, it’s the front of my calves and the backs of my ankles and from the knee up.

Oh, I’m just kidding.. go try it, you’ll love it. No.. seriously. It’s horrible.. but I do have some advice. Don’t go cheap. DO NOT DO IT YOURSELF. I don’t care how simple and painless those TV infomercials make it look.. spring for a trip to the spa.. and not just a trip to the spa.. a trip to an EXPENSIVE spa. I’ve tried it both ways and the experience at a real spa can not compare to having a cheap wax job done by a hair dresser with a wax melter who knows how to use it. If you go cheap, prepare to wear long slacks for at least two weeks while your legs heal from all of the bruises and ingrown hairs that you’ll get... you’ll be able to put those shorts on just in time for your leg hair to start growing back! Think “She-she-poo-poo”...

Ok.. now, I think the reason why I downplay the amount of pain caused by a full leg wax is because I’ve also started getting bikini waxes. Not just regular bikini waxes, but Brazilian bikini waxes. Those Brazilians sure are wacky! I’m not sure of the history of it all or why those folks from south of the equator get the credit for the ultimate hair removal for “south of the border”.. but it’s like the Mount Everest of hair removal. It may kill you.. but it’s the best thing ever.

Once again.. if you’re going to attempt this.. remember my words about the expensive spa. No trying to do this at home kiddos. If you’re worried about the embarrassment factor.. well.. think of it like sky-diving.. once you take the plunge.. it’s all out there and you’re in a free fall and there is no going back.

The good news is that, once you’re off the IV fluids and morphine drip, you’ll feel like a million bucks. Even if you’re the only one who knows about it (aside from your new best friend at the spa), guaranteed you’ll feel like hot stuff..

- Jen (Two Moms and a Baby)

A bit of history.. Ear Tubes Round #1

For my new readers.. Here is a link to our adventure last March, when Ben had his first round of ear tubes put in.

Ear Tubes Round #1

They are supposed to stay in for about a year to 18 months. Ben's were out after 4 months. The ENT did warn me that since this happened once, it is very likely that it could happen again.. but hopefully this round will get us through this year's cold and flu season and maybe by next year he will have outgrown the ear infection thang...

Ubbi Dubbi - and an ear tube update

Frubom nubow ubon, Ubi'll bube bluboggubing ubin Ububbubi Dububbubi. Ubif yubou nubeed hubelp, gubo tubo thube trubanslubatubor wubeb subite ubon pbskubids.uborg

Buben wubill bube guboubing ubin fubor suburguberuby ubon hubis ubears nubext Thubursdubay (15th) tubo gubet tububes ubin buboth ubears fubor thube subecubond tubime. Subince hubis lubast UBER vubisubit, hube hubas hubad twubo ubear ubinfubectiubons uband stubandubing flubuid ubin buboth ubears. Tubo mubake ubit ubevuben mubore ubinterubestubing, hubis ubeye rubollubing ubepubisubodes hubave stubartubed ubagubain ubas wubell. uburgh.


Translation:
From now on, I'll be blogging in Ubbi Dubbi. If you need help, go to the translator web site on pbskids.org

Ben will be going in for surgery on his ears next Thursday (15th) to get tubes in both ears for the second time. Since his last ER visit, he has had two ear infections and standing fluid in both ears. To make it even more interesting, his eye rolling episodes have started again as well. urgh.


Ok.. I'll stop with the Ubbi Dubbi stuff.. but honest.. now that I found the translator.. I may write my letters at work with it...

Ben is doing just fine and I'll be happy when next Thursday gets here. He is a little ticking time bomb waiting for another double ear infection to blow up. His ENT is awesome thought and he was a big guy and sat on the exam chair (like an eye doctors chair) all by himself and let her look in his ears and nose and mouth. When she was listening to his chest, through his shirt.. he reached down and pulled his shirt up for her. The only down side is that she said that they may decide to put an IV in this time (they just did gas last time) since he has continued to have seizures (he had 2 before his last surgery.. has had 5 now).. they want to be sure to be able to get meds to him immediately if he seizes while under anesthesia. I don't blame them.. but it sure would be nice if they could give him some gas and then put in the IV. Poor little dude.

New Years updates...

Well.. while it may not seem like it, I HAVE been up to things other than updating the colors on my blog and playing Guitar Hero World Tour. I *HAVE* been a bit of a space cadet though.. so I haven't really been sharing many blog bonding moments with you all.

First of all.. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dan! We had a great time spending Christmas Eve and morning with you guys and hope we can do it again sometime. Maybe someday, we'll actually have a room for you and you won't have to camp out in the back yard!

Other stuff.. Benji has spent most of the holiday break from school either being sick with an ear infection (flared up on Christmas Day) or with a rogue virus or two. He also is on a sleep strike. I'm sure that it's because our daytime schedule is out of wack with him not having been to school for two weeks. I totally feel for his daycare providers next week.. he's going to be a bear! The good news is that his development seems to have made a huge jump.. maybe it was all the birthday cake!

He's saying all sorts of words now (like "stupid", "hola", "ru" (Ruth), "Mommy" (instead of just MaMa), "I eat it", "no nemo", "nemo no", "no nemo no", "nemo no nemo" (catching a trend?) and lots of "ohhh noooooo's".. very dramatic.

I'm doing well.. no major complaints. I've decided to go back to work full time. It is a tough pill to swallow, but given the economy and the fact that things were already really tight.. well.. I want to keep ahead of the gang. This coming Monday will be my first time back in about six months.. I should be one cranky mom on Sunday.. watch out!

The other mom is doing well.. she's tired. Two weeks of vacation will do that to you.

Oh well.. I had planned on sharing a few pics from my fancy dancy new camera, but I didn't bring the cable and my card reader can't handle the high capacity card.. doh.. so I'll have to do that later. I also have more things to finish with the blog layout (there's a surprise).. given that my home computers are crap, i may pull an all nighter with some system install and norton disks.. fun fun fun! That's how I roll...

She's a brick.....house....

Ok.. the Commodores weren't exactly lyrical geniuses... Here is a snippet of the lyrics to "Brickhouse"

"Ow she's a Brick-house,
She's mighty mighty,
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick-house,
That lady's stacked,
And that's a fact,
Ain't holdin' nothin' back,
Ow she's a brick-house,
Well we're together everybody knows,
This is how the story goes...

She knows she's got everything,
That a woman needs, to get a man
How can she lose, with such a youth,
Thirty six, twenty four, thirty six,
What a winning hand!"

yeah... it just makes you feel warm and fuzzy, eh? Very romantic. When I think of being shaped like a brick house.. it doesn't inspire thoughts of 36-24-36.. i'm thinking more like 38-38-38... which is what brings me to the subject of this blog.

I'm back into that in-between awkward stage when no clothes fit me. When I was in my teens (and earlier).. I'd go into a dressing room with 30 pairs of jeans and was lucky if one... yes.. o-n-e.. fit right. Being fat changed all of this.. as soon as I hit a solid size 18W.. purchasing clothes got SO much easier.. my only problem was that I have no boobs.. and for some reason, clothes designers assume that a fat woman will have larger boobs. not me.

So I finally got to the point where I couldn't function in my old, larger, clothing. I could barely keep my jean shorts up yesterday.. they kept slipping over my hips. After a trip to the park, we decided to do some quick clothes shopping. I didn't want to buy anything too high end because I totally plan to be this size for a short period of time and would like to lose enough to get down another size bracket or two.. maybe wishful thinking.. but I don't want to blow a ton of money on clothes that may not fit again in a month.

Given my self-imposed monetary constraints.. we wound up at Target. Shiela took Ben and did some important shopping like picking up more toilet paper and a big jug of bubbles. I tried on clothes.

The selection I went into the change room with initially was about 50% women's clothing and 50% men's. The women's section had crap and I tend not to like a lot of the styles. As it turned out.. all of the clothes that I purchased were men's. For a very short moment, I felt stereotypically "gay".. oh yeah.. that's me.. the gender bending "dress like a guy" lesbo.

uh... no. that's NOT me. i'm a girl.. i like being a girl.. i just happen to be a tomboy, so I don't like lacy stuff and I am shaped like a BRICK (see song lyrics above with the disclaimer that the song is most definitely NOT about me.. the block of masonry is more what I'm comparing myself to...) I have no boobs.. no hips.. no butt.. and just a leftover flat tire that used to be my baby belly.

Men's clothes make sense. Your waist.. your inseam.. done. Pick a style.. and they are all there.. boot-cut, straight leg, relaxed fit, low rise, etc.. and just grab your size and guess what? it fits! The other issue with women's clothing is that they cut things weird.. I wanted a few polo shirts. Women's polo shirts have arms that are little puffy things that are cut too short on the underside.. so anyone that has any "i'm 33 and have lost 60 lbs" less than toned underarms are left to flop in the breeze. No.. I want regular short sleeves thank you. So back to the men's dept.

Don't even get me started on the shorts. I tried on ONE pair of women's shorts and didn't even zip them.. they made me look like a total dork. I went back to the men's.. picked the relaxed fit denim that i liked and grabbed my size.. given in inches, so i knew it would fit.. and it was fine. no daisy-duke shorts for jen.

Just lop it off...

Ok.. so this is a vent that shares far too much personal information about my.. well.. my person.. but I am an open book, so here goes...

I am not a small person. Well.. I'm short.. but you know what I mean. I'm "a woman of size".. a chub-chub.. whatever you wanna call it (but be nice). I've struggled with my weight forever it seems, but most dramatically since I hit puberty and it has only gotten worse as I've gotten older. Now that I'm in my 30's and actually have a clue.. I know that I can truly say.. "it's glandular" although i know that I have a sweet tooth and don't always follow the best eating habits..

I'm insulin resistant and have been since my teens. google it. It basically means my pancreas and pituitary gland aren't communicating well and as a result, If I had a carb.. my body packs it away for winter warmth even though I live in a time and place where LL Bean can provide that warmth. Insulin resistance goes right along with PCOS (google it) which was my big battle in terms of infertility. It turns out that controlling the insulin resistance, lowering my DHEA as a result of this, and leveling out my hormones along with taking a boat load of ovulation induction meds and progesterone support resulted in me being able to conceive our beautiful son. Insulin resistance has been a thorn in my side for decades. I can diet my butt off, but not lose a single pound.

So why am I venting about this now? Well.. I went in to see my boob oncologist on Monday for my final once-over. I've been given the "all clear" sign that I guess it's normal for one boob to double in size over a month or so.. whatever.. all the tests came back normal.. there's nothing for her to lop off.

BUT... before she let me take off that stupid pink half-shirt of a paper gown.. she says.......

"I'm worried about you having Type 2 Diabetes at your age.. I highly recommend that you talk to your PCP about surgical options". Blankly.. i said "um.. surgical options to diabetes?" .. last i heard, there was no cure and removing one's pancreas doesn't work. she smiles politely and says "no dear.. weight loss surgery".

Keep in mind that this woman probably weighs about the same amount that I do except she's about 4 feet tall and looks like the old lady in Poltergeist.

I was BLOWN AWAY. You're mentioning weight loss SURGERY to me? Two things... I've lost 60 lbs since October when I was diagnosed with Type 2 and actually went on meds to help control it (and to deal with my PCOS issues). Second.. I have friggin ulcerative colitis.. just how much of my digestive system do you want to lop off? what happens if my colon goes on me down the road.. do we just want to just connect my mouth up to my @ss (some might argue that the connection is already in place)?

wtf? (mom.. ask beck what that one means.. it's like "lol" but different.)

So.. being an engineer.. I decided to think back to some of my major milestones where I can remember my weight.. like when Shiela moved here, at different points during my infertility treatments, when ben was conceived, when ben was born, and then of course.. this last 6 months since the Type 2 hit, which has been my biggest fluctuation to date. Here's a graph:



I'm mortified STILL that she would recommend this surgery to someone who is down to 186 lbs from over 250 (i stopped getting on the scale, but at one point i was gaining a pound a day) in less than six months. I haven't been in the 180's since I was in college! I'm officially out of the "morbidly obese" range and have been for a while.. and I'm one BMI point from being out of the "obese" range.. give me a week and I'll just be "overweight".

I have two HUGE things weighing (hahaha) on me for this.. #1.. i want to be able to keep up and play with my son and do all of the things that I want to do with him.. like go on rides at Disney World and coach his t-ball team (or mentor his chess club.. depending on his personality.. :) and #2.. we'd like to at least attempt to give Ben a little brother or sister.. and after the trainwreck that was my first pregnancy.. I refuse to even start treatment until my BMI is in the "normal" range.. so I've got 30 pounds to go.

Friggin "surgical options" my butt.