Virtually "pain free" hair removal...

Check out my first blog posting over at Skirt!

I thought I'd jump right in.. *laff* I'm determined to make waves over there! This is what they get for labeling ME a trendsetter!

Virtually "pain free" hair removal...

This definitely qualifies as TMI:

Let me set the stage.

I am Italian and Irish. All of my hair follicles are Italian and all of my skin cells are Irish. I also have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which causes lots of fun hormonal crap like infertility, weight gain and.. yes.. male-pattern hair growth. As a result, I have spent all of my adult life struggling with the topic of hair removal and self-esteem.

When I was younger, I was very self-conscious about my image. How gross was it that I could grow more facial hair than most 18 year old boys. I would take hour-long showers which would include shaving just about every inch of my body.

To complicate matters further, I have just about THE MOST sensitive skin out there. If I walk down a perfume aisle, my skin will break out in a rash (and I’ll have an asthma attack). I can only use certain soaps and one wrong move in the shaving department would leave me with little cute patterns of razor burn all over my body.

Tack on the weight gain associated with PCOS and I had a rough time during my teenage years!

Fast-forward. I’m now 34 years old and happily married. I have a 2 year old beautiful son. I am completely content with my follicular status. The solution? The product that saved my self esteem?

Hate to burst your bubble, ladies, but for me.. it was just a matter of growing up and becoming comfortable with myself. No magical cream or little gadget that painlessly removed all of the hair forever.

Now.. that said, just because I’m comfortable with myself doesn’t mean I still don’t try every product and procedure under the sun. I’ve tried every chemical ever labeled for sensitive skin hair removal (translation: it removes the skin and leaves the hair) and have spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on needles and lasers and weed-wackers, oh my!

So.. as the self-proclaimed expert on the subject.. do I still spend an hour a day in the shower? Heck no! I have a toddler.. I’m lucky if I snag 10 minutes to myself. I usually have the shower curtain thrown back about 7 minutes into it by a little red headed dude who hands me my glasses and says “mommy, all done”.

To be honest, I seem to have become a bit bi-polar when it comes to hair removal. It’s currently mid-winter and we’re broke. As a result, I haven’t shaved south of the equator for close to three months and I’m starting to resemble something off of the Discovery Channel. I really could care less, aside from the fact that my hair is so thick that it occasionally makes my skin hurt from rubbing against my pants. Also.. I don’t wear skirts.. that’s key.

Like I said though.. I tend to go through mood swings. When I’m not on shaving strike, I tend to go to extremes.

wax.jpg



I’ve become a huge fan of waxing. It feels strikingly like sticking your arm in a wood chipper, but the results are fantastic. It’s also great for releasing tension after a long week at work. I’m not sure what it says about your life when going in for a waxing session sounds relaxing. I’ll blog about that another time!

Now. Leg waxing isn’t a big deal. Ripping out hair in huge chunks is never pleasant, but after the first few strips, you start to lose consciousness and it doesn’t seem to hurt as badly. There are a few areas that really hurt. For me, it’s the front of my calves and the backs of my ankles and from the knee up.

Oh, I’m just kidding.. go try it, you’ll love it. No.. seriously. It’s horrible.. but I do have some advice. Don’t go cheap. DO NOT DO IT YOURSELF. I don’t care how simple and painless those TV infomercials make it look.. spring for a trip to the spa.. and not just a trip to the spa.. a trip to an EXPENSIVE spa. I’ve tried it both ways and the experience at a real spa can not compare to having a cheap wax job done by a hair dresser with a wax melter who knows how to use it. If you go cheap, prepare to wear long slacks for at least two weeks while your legs heal from all of the bruises and ingrown hairs that you’ll get... you’ll be able to put those shorts on just in time for your leg hair to start growing back! Think “She-she-poo-poo”...

Ok.. now, I think the reason why I downplay the amount of pain caused by a full leg wax is because I’ve also started getting bikini waxes. Not just regular bikini waxes, but Brazilian bikini waxes. Those Brazilians sure are wacky! I’m not sure of the history of it all or why those folks from south of the equator get the credit for the ultimate hair removal for “south of the border”.. but it’s like the Mount Everest of hair removal. It may kill you.. but it’s the best thing ever.

Once again.. if you’re going to attempt this.. remember my words about the expensive spa. No trying to do this at home kiddos. If you’re worried about the embarrassment factor.. well.. think of it like sky-diving.. once you take the plunge.. it’s all out there and you’re in a free fall and there is no going back.

The good news is that, once you’re off the IV fluids and morphine drip, you’ll feel like a million bucks. Even if you’re the only one who knows about it (aside from your new best friend at the spa), guaranteed you’ll feel like hot stuff..

- Jen (Two Moms and a Baby)