So much to write about..

Hi all..

Well.. It's been a week. I won't clarify that by saying a good or a bad week.. just a week. I have SO much that I could blog about.. but as most of you know, I have a few taboo topics that I refuse to blog about to the entire world of blog people. That said.. what does one do when all the taboo things go to hell and you have no where to write about it? I guess that's where paper and a pencil come in.

Some of you know bits and pieces of what my week has been like. I'll share a teeny tiny bit of that here along with an "I AM OK" and a "I WILL CONTINUE TO BE OK". My therapist would be proud.

Ok.. so most of you know that I had dealt with a bout of Post Partum Depression after my pregnancy with Ben. Looking back.. not much of a surprise since I've always had anxiety issues (for lack of a better term).. tacking on a hormonal rollercoaster was JUST enough to kick me over the proverbial edge. Since then, I've made a complete recovery.. from the PPD. In the meantime, my year and a half of therapy has dug up lots of other junk like self-esteem challenges (ha.. nice way of putting it) and stuff like that. In general.. things have been going well. I almost always have something to talk about when I go to counseling, but I rarely use up a box of tissues anymore. At one point, I was a two-boxer patient.. my guy would see the color of the tissues change.. indicating that "the end" was near.. and would smoothly transfer in a fresh box of kleenex. That's why I pay him the big bucks.

Ok.. so the next two items are on my taboo list. work and the concept of possibly trying for another child SOMEDAY (note to moms...we're talking major hypothetical stuff at this point.. sort of like "wow.. what if one day I'm skinny and get a tattoo"..).

So. In a frustrated effort to get off of the anxiety meds that I'm still on (enough to sink the titanic).. I made an UBER-BAD-MOVE last weekend and went cold turkey off the meds. Did I warn my wife.. nah.. I could "handle it". My thought process.. however skewed, was that if I could just make it through a few days, then the hardest part of the withdrawal would be over with and I could get back to normal without taking months to ween off the meds. yeah. UBER-BAD-MOVE.

I lasted until Sunday then Shiela put me in a headlock and shoved a pill down my throat in a manner somewhat similar to giving a cat a pill. I started to feel significantly better, but was definitely teetering near the brink (of what.. i don't know) for the remainder of the week.

So poof.. on to taboo topic #2.. work. Work went great until Thursday morning when something that has been a thorn in my side for years reared it's ugly head and jabbed me in the side again. If I was on my game.. I would have stepped on my toe, gritted my teeth, and defended myself.. but instead I just sort of zoned out. I proceeded to leave the "meeting".. go to the car.. and call the wife. She then called my good friend at work who grabbed her iced D&D coffee and came to my rescue. Shiela met us at the ER and we went from there.

I wasn't admitted or anything. They gave me a hit of a benzo (tranquilizer) and then asked me how I felt. Not surprisingly, I drooled and said "better". So they sent me home. It wasn't exactly that smooth, but it wasn't traumatic either.. at least for me. I slept off the meds through Thursday and most of Friday and then spent the weekend in full fledged "OH MY GOD WHAT THE F***" mode.

I'm not looking for advice or anything at this point. Shiela and I are on the same page with things and I'm comfortable with our current plan. My sister has her old cheerleading outfit on trying to talk me into quitting. For the moment, I'm taking things one step at a time and looking forward to my evening with my wife and son.