Random thoughts for a Friday

As I was leaving the house this morning, I closed the front door behind me and reached for my keys to press the "lock" button twice. I was surprised when the car horn beeped from the driveway. I guess I thought that our house went keyless overnight. I hate that technology can't keep up with me.

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Today is the 8 year "anniversary" of the day Shiela and I met on the internet. I told her that I loved her 4 days later and she almost puked and got sent home from work because she looked so ill. Ahh.. the good ol' days!

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I wrote the following to some friends the other day:

"ok.. i'm one to typically snap a photo of the random temper tantrums that ben will throw.. they don't rattle me.. i've often said to him "let me know when you've gotten your "mad" out and we can... [insert activity here]".

the past week has been hard. last monday was clearly the worst day, post seizure, regarding him screaming... even so.. he wasn't really himself for most of last week.. wobbly, confused.. things that could clearly be after effects of the seizure. his neurologist agreed. each day these problems have faded.. his sleep has returned to normal.. his eating has returned to normal.. his sense of humor has returned to normal.

one thing that hasn't returned is his episodes of what i can only call anger. one second he'll be fine and the next he'll have this wild dog look and will hit you with a force that i've never known a toddler to have. if you try to contain him, he will head butt you. if you put him down and move away from him he will hit or head butt whoever is closest. if no one is close, he will slam his head either into something or he will hit it with his hands. he usually ends up crying in a heap on the floor/crib/whatever and then will slowly start to play with something close by.. like a car or train.. and after about 10 minutes or so he'll be back up and like himself again.

we want to write these fits off as him slamming head first (poor choice of words) into the "terrible twos".. but i just can't make that jive given the "coincidence" of the seizure marking this change in behavior. his neurologist said that it is common for children (and adults) to experience a lot of anger after a seizure.. this can last for a while. he thought that this could just be a temporary thing (like the fact that he was wobbly on his feet and his balance returned to normal a few days later). he said that he wouldn't expect any permanent brain damage from a seizure lasting less than a half hour, but that this type of damage would show up in developmental and/or behavioral changes. uh.. yeah.. not exactly helping.

there's always the lurking autism worry, but usually these fits are specifically driven at being angry with someone or directing general anger toward someone. he stares you right in the eye before he head butts you. he also grits his teeth.

i had a long talk with his daycare provider this morning. they have been struggling with him as well and i'm very very lucky that they understand the issue (as much as we do anyway) and they aren't reacting with a disciplinarian reaction.. they consider it to be more of a medical issue and want to keep him and the other kids safe while he has his episodes. yesterday he would start hitting the older kids but then would move on to the babies. they would separate him and/or hold him, but there were several times where he would end up hitting his head against the floor or wall/door. they ended up putting him in a stroller that he could thrash in but there wasn't anything really hard to hit against.

*SIGH*

we are calling his pediatrician and his neurologist this morning and will go from there."

We saw our pediatrician that night and he told us in no uncertain terms, "I'm so sorry.. this will be difficult to handle.. you are the mothers of a perfectly normal 20 month old..."

He did leave a little bit of an open door regarding the behavioral changes given his seizure patterns, but in general he thinks that the kid is absolutely normal. good grief! how long will this last?! *laff*