The chupone (spanish for "binky")

New Years updates...

Well.. while it may not seem like it, I HAVE been up to things other than updating the colors on my blog and playing Guitar Hero World Tour. I *HAVE* been a bit of a space cadet though.. so I haven't really been sharing many blog bonding moments with you all.

First of all.. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dan! We had a great time spending Christmas Eve and morning with you guys and hope we can do it again sometime. Maybe someday, we'll actually have a room for you and you won't have to camp out in the back yard!

Other stuff.. Benji has spent most of the holiday break from school either being sick with an ear infection (flared up on Christmas Day) or with a rogue virus or two. He also is on a sleep strike. I'm sure that it's because our daytime schedule is out of wack with him not having been to school for two weeks. I totally feel for his daycare providers next week.. he's going to be a bear! The good news is that his development seems to have made a huge jump.. maybe it was all the birthday cake!

He's saying all sorts of words now (like "stupid", "hola", "ru" (Ruth), "Mommy" (instead of just MaMa), "I eat it", "no nemo", "nemo no", "no nemo no", "nemo no nemo" (catching a trend?) and lots of "ohhh noooooo's".. very dramatic.

I'm doing well.. no major complaints. I've decided to go back to work full time. It is a tough pill to swallow, but given the economy and the fact that things were already really tight.. well.. I want to keep ahead of the gang. This coming Monday will be my first time back in about six months.. I should be one cranky mom on Sunday.. watch out!

The other mom is doing well.. she's tired. Two weeks of vacation will do that to you.

Oh well.. I had planned on sharing a few pics from my fancy dancy new camera, but I didn't bring the cable and my card reader can't handle the high capacity card.. doh.. so I'll have to do that later. I also have more things to finish with the blog layout (there's a surprise).. given that my home computers are crap, i may pull an all nighter with some system install and norton disks.. fun fun fun! That's how I roll...

Ryan Seacrest watch out....

Ben has stolen your hairstyle... Benjamin got his very first "fauxhawk" today. Basically it's just buzzed short on the sides and a bit longer on top so you can spike it up a bit.. i'm in the process of uploading some pics. without the hair gel, it looks like a normal short haircut.. but he's still too cute for words!

While I'm waiting for the photos to upload.. I'll give a general update on the big guy. He went in for his 15 month well visit today (he turns 16 mos tomorrow). Unfortunately he needed two shots. Other than that, everything went great. He's 26lbs 12oz and is 33 inches tall.. that makes him in the 68th percentile for weight and 88th for height. All of his parts checked out fine and the doctor noted that his vocabulary was very advanced for his age (they count the english, spanish and signing) and his fine and gross motor skills are right on. Ben performed like a champ and did a great job, even with the shots, even thought it was his naptime.

We had a nice talk with the doctor about autism. We've had the panic in the back of our heads like most parents of boys these days that have any clue of the statistics. Given the seizures and what I had been concerned about with his progress of development (when he walked/crawled/etc.).. we had both entertained the "what if" thoughts. Our doctor, who rocks by the way, was amazing and assured us that not only is ben definitely NOT autistic now, but he's not showing any symptoms of being at risk for autism in the future.

We also talked more about the seizures and are both fairly comfortable with the concept that he will likely have more seizures until he grows out of this childhood seizure "disorder". *cross fingers* that he will not have any more "complex" seizures like his first one (that lasted an hour)... but we're pretty confident that we can deal with (emotionally) the short duration "typical" seizures.

here we go:

Gay Parenting

Wait.. what... we're gay? you're friggin kidding!

I got an interesting random message from a reader who commented that he/she was surprised that my blog wasn't more about gay parenting. It struck me as highly interesting and a bit funny and probably says a LOT about who I am and what our family dynamic is.

I don't think of myself as a gay parent. I think of myself as a parent. I don't think of my wife as a gay parent, or as a "second mother".. I think of her as a parent. We're both mom's. We both love Benjamin equally or would be willing to arm wrestle over the issue. We are both legal parents.. but that's really just a formality. We were together in this from the start.. we were both there during conception (along with a very nice doctor with a HUGE mustache).. were both there through the pregnancy.. were both there through the rocky end of the pregnancy and the birth of our little guy. If anything, I think Shiela has had to deal with more stress from the experience of trying to become, becoming, and being a parent because she's had to deal with me too... and i'm a handful. Dealing with a woman duped up on fertility meds comes in neck to neck with dealing with a cranky pregnant woman.. and was one-up'd by caring for an infant and a mother with post partum depression.

We're parents. We forget that we're "gay". We are lucky in that we live in an area of the country where no one gets confused by the fact that we're both his mom and no one does double-takes when they hear us refer to each other as his moms or if they see us out doing crazy things like having dinner together at a family restaurant.

My blog isn't about being a gay parent.. because in all honesty.. there really isn't anything to talk about. The rollercoaster leading up to becoming a parent has some elements in it that obviously relate to us being in a same-sex relationship.. but since conception, the topic doesn't really come up.

If you have any questions about it.. shoot away (but be nice of course).. but it really doesn't make the top twelve things that define our family unit... so I can't guarantee an interesting answer.

As an aside.. all of that doesn't mean that we hide that we're gay or anything like that. we're out and proud man.. we both own leathermans and have a sears bright red toolbox will all of the accessories. we own our own softball mitts and know how to use them.

to quote my friend's kids.. "that's baby's mom".. "that's baby's other mom"..

Edited to add: I do admit that it is a bit ironic given that the title of the blog is "two moms and a baby".. so no comments from the peanut gallery!

Added pictures to Sunday's post about painting...

Sunday afternoon fun...

Yesterday Ben and I took extended morning naps.. and while we were sleeping Shiela started some painting for his room. When he woke up he was pretty much a bear for a good chunk of the day until we got some Motrin into him (Teething Hell.. totally different topic).. then he wanted to paint too. So paint he did.

Edited 4/9: Pictures finally added!















Edited (4/10) to add: Yes.. Ben is wearing a t-shirt that says "Phat Boyz" on the front. I intentionally purchased two oversized t-shirts for like $0.50 each at the mother of twins sale for "art time".. so I wasn't very picky about what was on the front of them.

Salsa, Margueritas and Mariachi, oh MY!

Last night we went out with a friend and her twins to "Mariachi Night" at our local family-run Mexican restaurant.. we had a blast. The kids all loved the band.. especially Maddie, who clapped and asked for more music after each song. Benjamin refused to eat his dinner, but was ok with snagging Riley's avacado slice and some of his leftover cheese quesadilla. Luckily Riley was more interested in eating tortilla chips and eventually putting the basket on his head. Maddie was the little princess.. daintily dipping her tortilla chips into the salsa.. that kid can certainly pack away the salsa.. and I don't think she got a drop on her. Riley managed to pour a half of a bowl of salsa on his lap, but that was relatively well timed as I was just walking by him to go "borrow" a diaper from the twin's supply because Benjamin figured that it was an appropriate time to fill his pants.

In the end.. I think we all managed to eat our dinner (except for Ben) and as the clock struck 6:45pm.. it was enjoyable to watch all three kids lose their minds at the same time. Actually.. the gradual decline of Maddie and Riley was only really visable to their mom.. they hadn't started screaming or throwing things... unlike our little redheaded ball of fury. Seconds after the twins left (with mom, of course).. Ben and I headed out to the parking lot to offer some relief to the other patrons. Shiela stuck around to wait for our payment to go through and we headed home.

It was a great evening. It's so nice being out with someone with kids that are the same age as Ben.. especially when going to a restaurant that was filled with other kids that are all just like Ben. It seemed that everyone got a chance to pick up a toy that was chucked from another family's child across the aisle and smile politely while handing it back just to have their own child chuck something toward another family. Some may call it chaos.. we call it a relaxing Mariachi night!

Kentucky -- The most important part

Ben and I traveled to Kentucky for the first time ever (for both of us). The best part? We got to see Grandma and Grandpa...





We also got to explore their brand new house. They just closed on it last week and had all of their furniture from CT dropped off later in the week with us arriving on Saturday. Just about everything that we didn't need was still in boxes, so we didn't need to worry about Ben getting into things that he shouldn't. Grandpa did go out and purchase 30 electrical outlet covers to protect Ben from getting zapped in the main rooms. We closed off the bedroom, bathroom, etc, etc, doors so that he was left with being able to circle around from the great room down the hall to the dining room and through the kitchen and breakfast nook back into the great room. If he only knew that there was about 2000 more square feet of space available not counting the basement.. we would have been in trouble.. if he could open doors that is.

He explored...







We made ourselves at home...






The thing that surprised me the most was that even though 177 Blossom Circle in Kentucky is about as different from 221 North Street in Connecticut as it gets (aside from the horse pasture thing..).. being "home" didn't feel any different. It was all new, but it still felt like coming home. That makes me happy.

Goofy Gus

Once a goofball...


Always a goofball...


I have to say that while being a parent has got to be the most exhausting and sometimes exasperating experiences known to man (and we're just on month #15).. it's a friggin blast. We often comment on how wonderful it must be to "have a new brain".. everything is new to Ben.. at least the first time around. I can say that changing his clothes and diapers is NOT something new.. and he KNOWS that he needs to stay still. Obviously, we're still working on this...

It takes a village...

This might be one of the most beautiful pictures that I've ever seen..



This is Ben with his main daycare provider, Ruth. I won't give you the whole saga surrounding our search for daycare, but it all boils down to the planets being in alignment or there being a higher power or just dumb luck or something.. because we managed to find a care giver who I trust with my son's life. Truly trust.. there isn't an ounce of my being that sits and worries about him during the day while he is in her care. She, and her crew, proved themselves when Ben had his seizure and she surprises me daily by how serious her commitment is to our family and to all of the families at the daycare. We are truly part of her family.

Thank you, Ruth.

Date night

This is a post from my other blog TMAAB-memories:

"Last night Ben and I went to Brigham's again for our Wednesday night "date". He had the kid's pizza and a milk and I had a clam roll and a diet coke. We "shared" a kid's chocolate cone. We then headed over to Spy Pond in Arlington and looked for ducks and played for a solid 45 minutes on the slide. I'd pick him up to the top of it (it was the toddlers climbing thingy) and then i'd count to three and he'd push himself to get started and laugh all the way down. Then we'd say "YAY" and i'd say "again?" and he would say "nen". I take that as a new word. Mamom met us down at the park for the end of our playtime and we headed back to the car after the sun went down. It was a beautiful night."

I started this just over a week ago and my first post was about how Ben and I have started having this night out together on Wednesdays. The thought is that I'd write down (i.e. TYPE) short snippets of stories as just a list of positive and happy things.. things that I never want to forget. I mentioned it to my psychologist earlier this week and he was very impressed with me and went on for most of my hour (just kidding) about how healthy a form of self-assessment and physiological psychology it was. Basically.. by not only recognizing a moment that is special to me, but remembering it to enter it into the blog, and then getting to re-read it at later dates either when i enter other special moments or when I'm bored and just re-reading things.. it trains my brain to utilize pathways to pleasure (his terminology, not mine) instead of constantly being on the pathway to worry/anxiety.

I sat back and thought.. well, damn.. he's right. If I'm stressed and I sit down and look over old blog posts or read the weeks worth of entries that have made my new blog.. or when I pull out adobe photoshop and look at photos from my time with shiela and ben.. it ALWAYS makes me feel better. My doc's thought is that by doing this regularly.. my brain physically will tend to lean toward thinking about these types of positive thoughts rather than negative stuff.

My regular blog isn't just about positive things.. i write about everything but a few taboo topics (work, etc.).. but going over those memories.. even the tough ones like ben's seizure recap.. makes me think "god.. i made it through that and was a good mom".

He's got you fooled...

For those of you who think that our son is a darling angel who would NEVER throw a fit or get himself into trouble.. check out the glint in his eyes in this picture:



I don't know WHERE he could get it from:



Edited to add: FYI, these pictures were taken on two separate days in two separate states.. I was not trying to imitate ben's expression.. I was looking through my flickr photos and saw these two and had to chuckle..

Head Circumference

Seriously.. Ben's cousin Adam is 7 years older than he is. Adam turned 8 in January and Ben turned one almost exactly a month earlier in December. I have a feeling Ben is going to be giving Adam hand-me-down clothes sooner rather than later. Is it just me, or are their heads the same size?

The reader

Ben had a bit of a run-in with the cat (Ty, of course.. Nanook is still hiding from Ben) the other day. Ben is very gentle with the cat, but he's also very loud and persistent.. which the cat doesn't like much. We have a book called "Tails are not for Pulling".. and it's great.. but it hasn't clicked yet.. he has learned to go gentle, but hasn't learned how to tell when the kitty doesn't want to play. Check out the bandaid on his wrist and the scratch on his forehead.



After washing the scratches and putting a bandaid on his wrist, we opted for some quiet time. The following two pictures are two of my favorites that I've taken of Ben over the past 15 months. (that says a lot.. because I've taken over 5000 pictures.. Ben sees the orange focus light in his sleep now...)

The Dinner Table

Last weekend we decided that it was time for Ben to join us at the dining room table for dinners. The high chair is huge and we don't have a routine of having dinner together.. we'll feed him.. then get something for ourselves after he goes to bed. We decided to order a pizza.

Here is a pic of Ben helping to set the table. We have his travel booster seat set up on one of the dining table chairs.



As tradition calls for.. we marked this occasion with a "self-portrait"



Dinner began in a very clean and civilized manner. Benjamin eating small pieces of cut up pizza from his plate.





At some point.. the boy got his hands on the remainder of his piece of pizza.. things became less controlled...



In the end.. it was a very enjoyable and relaxing dinner. Ben had pizza from ear to ear and chin to forehead and beyond.. but we took our time and he had a peas and carrots chaser. I wish I could say that we do this every night.. but even if we just manage it once a week at this point.. I'll be happy.