Check out my first blog posting over at Skirt!
I thought I'd jump right in.. *laff* I'm determined to make waves over there! This is what they get for labeling ME a trendsetter!
Virtually "pain free" hair removal...
This definitely qualifies as TMI:
Let me set the stage.
I am Italian and Irish. All of my hair follicles are Italian and all of my skin cells are Irish. I also have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which causes lots of fun hormonal crap like infertility, weight gain and.. yes.. male-pattern hair growth. As a result, I have spent all of my adult life struggling with the topic of hair removal and self-esteem.
When I was younger, I was very self-conscious about my image. How gross was it that I could grow more facial hair than most 18 year old boys. I would take hour-long showers which would include shaving just about every inch of my body.
To complicate matters further, I have just about THE MOST sensitive skin out there. If I walk down a perfume aisle, my skin will break out in a rash (and I’ll have an asthma attack). I can only use certain soaps and one wrong move in the shaving department would leave me with little cute patterns of razor burn all over my body.
Tack on the weight gain associated with PCOS and I had a rough time during my teenage years!
Fast-forward. I’m now 34 years old and happily married. I have a 2 year old beautiful son. I am completely content with my follicular status. The solution? The product that saved my self esteem?
Hate to burst your bubble, ladies, but for me.. it was just a matter of growing up and becoming comfortable with myself. No magical cream or little gadget that painlessly removed all of the hair forever.
Now.. that said, just because I’m comfortable with myself doesn’t mean I still don’t try every product and procedure under the sun. I’ve tried every chemical ever labeled for sensitive skin hair removal (translation: it removes the skin and leaves the hair) and have spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on needles and lasers and weed-wackers, oh my!
So.. as the self-proclaimed expert on the subject.. do I still spend an hour a day in the shower? Heck no! I have a toddler.. I’m lucky if I snag 10 minutes to myself. I usually have the shower curtain thrown back about 7 minutes into it by a little red headed dude who hands me my glasses and says “mommy, all done”.
To be honest, I seem to have become a bit bi-polar when it comes to hair removal. It’s currently mid-winter and we’re broke. As a result, I haven’t shaved south of the equator for close to three months and I’m starting to resemble something off of the Discovery Channel. I really could care less, aside from the fact that my hair is so thick that it occasionally makes my skin hurt from rubbing against my pants. Also.. I don’t wear skirts.. that’s key.
Like I said though.. I tend to go through mood swings. When I’m not on shaving strike, I tend to go to extremes.
wax.jpg
I’ve become a huge fan of waxing. It feels strikingly like sticking your arm in a wood chipper, but the results are fantastic. It’s also great for releasing tension after a long week at work. I’m not sure what it says about your life when going in for a waxing session sounds relaxing. I’ll blog about that another time!
Now. Leg waxing isn’t a big deal. Ripping out hair in huge chunks is never pleasant, but after the first few strips, you start to lose consciousness and it doesn’t seem to hurt as badly. There are a few areas that really hurt. For me, it’s the front of my calves and the backs of my ankles and from the knee up.
Oh, I’m just kidding.. go try it, you’ll love it. No.. seriously. It’s horrible.. but I do have some advice. Don’t go cheap. DO NOT DO IT YOURSELF. I don’t care how simple and painless those TV infomercials make it look.. spring for a trip to the spa.. and not just a trip to the spa.. a trip to an EXPENSIVE spa. I’ve tried it both ways and the experience at a real spa can not compare to having a cheap wax job done by a hair dresser with a wax melter who knows how to use it. If you go cheap, prepare to wear long slacks for at least two weeks while your legs heal from all of the bruises and ingrown hairs that you’ll get... you’ll be able to put those shorts on just in time for your leg hair to start growing back! Think “She-she-poo-poo”...
Ok.. now, I think the reason why I downplay the amount of pain caused by a full leg wax is because I’ve also started getting bikini waxes. Not just regular bikini waxes, but Brazilian bikini waxes. Those Brazilians sure are wacky! I’m not sure of the history of it all or why those folks from south of the equator get the credit for the ultimate hair removal for “south of the border”.. but it’s like the Mount Everest of hair removal. It may kill you.. but it’s the best thing ever.
Once again.. if you’re going to attempt this.. remember my words about the expensive spa. No trying to do this at home kiddos. If you’re worried about the embarrassment factor.. well.. think of it like sky-diving.. once you take the plunge.. it’s all out there and you’re in a free fall and there is no going back.
The good news is that, once you’re off the IV fluids and morphine drip, you’ll feel like a million bucks. Even if you’re the only one who knows about it (aside from your new best friend at the spa), guaranteed you’ll feel like hot stuff..
- Jen (Two Moms and a Baby)
Showing posts with label Weight Loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Weight Loss. Show all posts
4/21/2008
She's a brick.....house....
Ok.. the Commodores weren't exactly lyrical geniuses... Here is a snippet of the lyrics to "Brickhouse"
"Ow she's a Brick-house,
She's mighty mighty,
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick-house,
That lady's stacked,
And that's a fact,
Ain't holdin' nothin' back,
Ow she's a brick-house,
Well we're together everybody knows,
This is how the story goes...
She knows she's got everything,
That a woman needs, to get a man
How can she lose, with such a youth,
Thirty six, twenty four, thirty six,
What a winning hand!"
yeah... it just makes you feel warm and fuzzy, eh? Very romantic. When I think of being shaped like a brick house.. it doesn't inspire thoughts of 36-24-36.. i'm thinking more like 38-38-38... which is what brings me to the subject of this blog.
I'm back into that in-between awkward stage when no clothes fit me. When I was in my teens (and earlier).. I'd go into a dressing room with 30 pairs of jeans and was lucky if one... yes.. o-n-e.. fit right. Being fat changed all of this.. as soon as I hit a solid size 18W.. purchasing clothes got SO much easier.. my only problem was that I have no boobs.. and for some reason, clothes designers assume that a fat woman will have larger boobs. not me.
So I finally got to the point where I couldn't function in my old, larger, clothing. I could barely keep my jean shorts up yesterday.. they kept slipping over my hips. After a trip to the park, we decided to do some quick clothes shopping. I didn't want to buy anything too high end because I totally plan to be this size for a short period of time and would like to lose enough to get down another size bracket or two.. maybe wishful thinking.. but I don't want to blow a ton of money on clothes that may not fit again in a month.
Given my self-imposed monetary constraints.. we wound up at Target. Shiela took Ben and did some important shopping like picking up more toilet paper and a big jug of bubbles. I tried on clothes.
The selection I went into the change room with initially was about 50% women's clothing and 50% men's. The women's section had crap and I tend not to like a lot of the styles. As it turned out.. all of the clothes that I purchased were men's. For a very short moment, I felt stereotypically "gay".. oh yeah.. that's me.. the gender bending "dress like a guy" lesbo.
uh... no. that's NOT me. i'm a girl.. i like being a girl.. i just happen to be a tomboy, so I don't like lacy stuff and I am shaped like a BRICK (see song lyrics above with the disclaimer that the song is most definitely NOT about me.. the block of masonry is more what I'm comparing myself to...) I have no boobs.. no hips.. no butt.. and just a leftover flat tire that used to be my baby belly.
Men's clothes make sense. Your waist.. your inseam.. done. Pick a style.. and they are all there.. boot-cut, straight leg, relaxed fit, low rise, etc.. and just grab your size and guess what? it fits! The other issue with women's clothing is that they cut things weird.. I wanted a few polo shirts. Women's polo shirts have arms that are little puffy things that are cut too short on the underside.. so anyone that has any "i'm 33 and have lost 60 lbs" less than toned underarms are left to flop in the breeze. No.. I want regular short sleeves thank you. So back to the men's dept.
Don't even get me started on the shorts. I tried on ONE pair of women's shorts and didn't even zip them.. they made me look like a total dork. I went back to the men's.. picked the relaxed fit denim that i liked and grabbed my size.. given in inches, so i knew it would fit.. and it was fine. no daisy-duke shorts for jen.
"Ow she's a Brick-house,
She's mighty mighty,
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick-house,
That lady's stacked,
And that's a fact,
Ain't holdin' nothin' back,
Ow she's a brick-house,
Well we're together everybody knows,
This is how the story goes...
She knows she's got everything,
That a woman needs, to get a man
How can she lose, with such a youth,
Thirty six, twenty four, thirty six,
What a winning hand!"
yeah... it just makes you feel warm and fuzzy, eh? Very romantic. When I think of being shaped like a brick house.. it doesn't inspire thoughts of 36-24-36.. i'm thinking more like 38-38-38... which is what brings me to the subject of this blog.
I'm back into that in-between awkward stage when no clothes fit me. When I was in my teens (and earlier).. I'd go into a dressing room with 30 pairs of jeans and was lucky if one... yes.. o-n-e.. fit right. Being fat changed all of this.. as soon as I hit a solid size 18W.. purchasing clothes got SO much easier.. my only problem was that I have no boobs.. and for some reason, clothes designers assume that a fat woman will have larger boobs. not me.
So I finally got to the point where I couldn't function in my old, larger, clothing. I could barely keep my jean shorts up yesterday.. they kept slipping over my hips. After a trip to the park, we decided to do some quick clothes shopping. I didn't want to buy anything too high end because I totally plan to be this size for a short period of time and would like to lose enough to get down another size bracket or two.. maybe wishful thinking.. but I don't want to blow a ton of money on clothes that may not fit again in a month.
Given my self-imposed monetary constraints.. we wound up at Target. Shiela took Ben and did some important shopping like picking up more toilet paper and a big jug of bubbles. I tried on clothes.
The selection I went into the change room with initially was about 50% women's clothing and 50% men's. The women's section had crap and I tend not to like a lot of the styles. As it turned out.. all of the clothes that I purchased were men's. For a very short moment, I felt stereotypically "gay".. oh yeah.. that's me.. the gender bending "dress like a guy" lesbo.
uh... no. that's NOT me. i'm a girl.. i like being a girl.. i just happen to be a tomboy, so I don't like lacy stuff and I am shaped like a BRICK (see song lyrics above with the disclaimer that the song is most definitely NOT about me.. the block of masonry is more what I'm comparing myself to...) I have no boobs.. no hips.. no butt.. and just a leftover flat tire that used to be my baby belly.
Men's clothes make sense. Your waist.. your inseam.. done. Pick a style.. and they are all there.. boot-cut, straight leg, relaxed fit, low rise, etc.. and just grab your size and guess what? it fits! The other issue with women's clothing is that they cut things weird.. I wanted a few polo shirts. Women's polo shirts have arms that are little puffy things that are cut too short on the underside.. so anyone that has any "i'm 33 and have lost 60 lbs" less than toned underarms are left to flop in the breeze. No.. I want regular short sleeves thank you. So back to the men's dept.
Don't even get me started on the shorts. I tried on ONE pair of women's shorts and didn't even zip them.. they made me look like a total dork. I went back to the men's.. picked the relaxed fit denim that i liked and grabbed my size.. given in inches, so i knew it would fit.. and it was fine. no daisy-duke shorts for jen.
4/09/2008
Walking
You'll probably have to click on the picture below to see it in enough resolution to have any clue what you're looking at.
I've started going for a walk during my lunch hour. I've done it three times in a row now, so I feel I can officially announce that I'm doing it and I haven't quit yet. Basically, I work right near a big "pond" (local water supply) and they have a nicely landscaped path, mostly paved, around the entire pond. I can scoot onto the path from the main road and it's like escaping from it all for about an hour.
I'm doing this for a few reasons.
#1.. it's a healthy thing to do.
#2.. it's a HUGE stress reliever.. especially after 4 hours at work
#3.. it's a healthy thing to do.
#4.. i LOVE water and it calms me.. so I always feel better when I finish.
#5.. it's a healthy thing to do.
#6.. i get to meet a lot of dogs out on their walks.
#7.. it's a healthy thing to do.
#8.. i got to see real boobies yesterday (boy was she EMBARASSED.. serves her right for changing into running clothes at a public park and not in the car or something.
#9.. it's a healthy thing to do.
#10.. it's a HUGE stress reliever.. have I said this before?
Anyway.. I marked up the path that I've been taking on the photo below.. basically a circle around the pond. According to google's calculations, it's 2.65 miles door to door.
As an aside.. I'm getting better at it. The first time it took me an hour. The second and third times it took me about 45 minutes. The first time I got my butt whooped by an old lady with a pug. I kept passing her (in the opposite direction). So she basically did a lap and a half in the time it took me to do a lap. The "good" news was that by the third time I passed her.. she was carrying the dog.. so if nothing else, I know my endurance is better than an 8 year old pug.
I've started going for a walk during my lunch hour. I've done it three times in a row now, so I feel I can officially announce that I'm doing it and I haven't quit yet. Basically, I work right near a big "pond" (local water supply) and they have a nicely landscaped path, mostly paved, around the entire pond. I can scoot onto the path from the main road and it's like escaping from it all for about an hour.
I'm doing this for a few reasons.
#1.. it's a healthy thing to do.
#2.. it's a HUGE stress reliever.. especially after 4 hours at work
#3.. it's a healthy thing to do.
#4.. i LOVE water and it calms me.. so I always feel better when I finish.
#5.. it's a healthy thing to do.
#6.. i get to meet a lot of dogs out on their walks.
#7.. it's a healthy thing to do.
#8.. i got to see real boobies yesterday (boy was she EMBARASSED.. serves her right for changing into running clothes at a public park and not in the car or something.
#9.. it's a healthy thing to do.
#10.. it's a HUGE stress reliever.. have I said this before?
Anyway.. I marked up the path that I've been taking on the photo below.. basically a circle around the pond. According to google's calculations, it's 2.65 miles door to door.
As an aside.. I'm getting better at it. The first time it took me an hour. The second and third times it took me about 45 minutes. The first time I got my butt whooped by an old lady with a pug. I kept passing her (in the opposite direction). So she basically did a lap and a half in the time it took me to do a lap. The "good" news was that by the third time I passed her.. she was carrying the dog.. so if nothing else, I know my endurance is better than an 8 year old pug.
4/08/2008
Back on the lizard spit...
So after a two week hiatus, I'm back on the lizard spit (i.e. Byetta). My endocrinologist suggested we give it a two month shot at a higher dosage and if I don't see any additional results, then we'll give it the boot. My sugar levels are currently well controlled with the oral med that i'm on, but we added Byetta to the mix because studies have shown that it can push along weight loss for PCOSers (that would be me). I didn't noticed any difference aside from feeling like crap for a month.
So I'm two injections into it.. and i'm pretty sure I just injected air yesterday because I forgot about "priming" a new injection pen. I've had a granola bar and i'm feel pretty rank.. the main function of this stuff is to slow your system down so food doesn't empty out of your stomach as quickly as it normally would. well.. as a result.. that granola bar I ate a half hour ago is sitting there churning.
*cross fingers*.. hope this will help! otherwise i apologize to all of those i get cranky around because my stomach is feeling blech.
So I'm two injections into it.. and i'm pretty sure I just injected air yesterday because I forgot about "priming" a new injection pen. I've had a granola bar and i'm feel pretty rank.. the main function of this stuff is to slow your system down so food doesn't empty out of your stomach as quickly as it normally would. well.. as a result.. that granola bar I ate a half hour ago is sitting there churning.
*cross fingers*.. hope this will help! otherwise i apologize to all of those i get cranky around because my stomach is feeling blech.
3/19/2008
Just lop it off...
Ok.. so this is a vent that shares far too much personal information about my.. well.. my person.. but I am an open book, so here goes...
I am not a small person. Well.. I'm short.. but you know what I mean. I'm "a woman of size".. a chub-chub.. whatever you wanna call it (but be nice). I've struggled with my weight forever it seems, but most dramatically since I hit puberty and it has only gotten worse as I've gotten older. Now that I'm in my 30's and actually have a clue.. I know that I can truly say.. "it's glandular" although i know that I have a sweet tooth and don't always follow the best eating habits..
I'm insulin resistant and have been since my teens. google it. It basically means my pancreas and pituitary gland aren't communicating well and as a result, If I had a carb.. my body packs it away for winter warmth even though I live in a time and place where LL Bean can provide that warmth. Insulin resistance goes right along with PCOS (google it) which was my big battle in terms of infertility. It turns out that controlling the insulin resistance, lowering my DHEA as a result of this, and leveling out my hormones along with taking a boat load of ovulation induction meds and progesterone support resulted in me being able to conceive our beautiful son. Insulin resistance has been a thorn in my side for decades. I can diet my butt off, but not lose a single pound.
So why am I venting about this now? Well.. I went in to see my boob oncologist on Monday for my final once-over. I've been given the "all clear" sign that I guess it's normal for one boob to double in size over a month or so.. whatever.. all the tests came back normal.. there's nothing for her to lop off.
BUT... before she let me take off that stupid pink half-shirt of a paper gown.. she says.......
"I'm worried about you having Type 2 Diabetes at your age.. I highly recommend that you talk to your PCP about surgical options". Blankly.. i said "um.. surgical options to diabetes?" .. last i heard, there was no cure and removing one's pancreas doesn't work. she smiles politely and says "no dear.. weight loss surgery".
Keep in mind that this woman probably weighs about the same amount that I do except she's about 4 feet tall and looks like the old lady in Poltergeist.
I was BLOWN AWAY. You're mentioning weight loss SURGERY to me? Two things... I've lost 60 lbs since October when I was diagnosed with Type 2 and actually went on meds to help control it (and to deal with my PCOS issues). Second.. I have friggin ulcerative colitis.. just how much of my digestive system do you want to lop off? what happens if my colon goes on me down the road.. do we just want to just connect my mouth up to my @ss (some might argue that the connection is already in place)?
wtf? (mom.. ask beck what that one means.. it's like "lol" but different.)
So.. being an engineer.. I decided to think back to some of my major milestones where I can remember my weight.. like when Shiela moved here, at different points during my infertility treatments, when ben was conceived, when ben was born, and then of course.. this last 6 months since the Type 2 hit, which has been my biggest fluctuation to date. Here's a graph:
I'm mortified STILL that she would recommend this surgery to someone who is down to 186 lbs from over 250 (i stopped getting on the scale, but at one point i was gaining a pound a day) in less than six months. I haven't been in the 180's since I was in college! I'm officially out of the "morbidly obese" range and have been for a while.. and I'm one BMI point from being out of the "obese" range.. give me a week and I'll just be "overweight".
I have two HUGE things weighing (hahaha) on me for this.. #1.. i want to be able to keep up and play with my son and do all of the things that I want to do with him.. like go on rides at Disney World and coach his t-ball team (or mentor his chess club.. depending on his personality.. :) and #2.. we'd like to at least attempt to give Ben a little brother or sister.. and after the trainwreck that was my first pregnancy.. I refuse to even start treatment until my BMI is in the "normal" range.. so I've got 30 pounds to go.
Friggin "surgical options" my butt.
I am not a small person. Well.. I'm short.. but you know what I mean. I'm "a woman of size".. a chub-chub.. whatever you wanna call it (but be nice). I've struggled with my weight forever it seems, but most dramatically since I hit puberty and it has only gotten worse as I've gotten older. Now that I'm in my 30's and actually have a clue.. I know that I can truly say.. "it's glandular" although i know that I have a sweet tooth and don't always follow the best eating habits..
I'm insulin resistant and have been since my teens. google it. It basically means my pancreas and pituitary gland aren't communicating well and as a result, If I had a carb.. my body packs it away for winter warmth even though I live in a time and place where LL Bean can provide that warmth. Insulin resistance goes right along with PCOS (google it) which was my big battle in terms of infertility. It turns out that controlling the insulin resistance, lowering my DHEA as a result of this, and leveling out my hormones along with taking a boat load of ovulation induction meds and progesterone support resulted in me being able to conceive our beautiful son. Insulin resistance has been a thorn in my side for decades. I can diet my butt off, but not lose a single pound.
So why am I venting about this now? Well.. I went in to see my boob oncologist on Monday for my final once-over. I've been given the "all clear" sign that I guess it's normal for one boob to double in size over a month or so.. whatever.. all the tests came back normal.. there's nothing for her to lop off.
BUT... before she let me take off that stupid pink half-shirt of a paper gown.. she says.......
"I'm worried about you having Type 2 Diabetes at your age.. I highly recommend that you talk to your PCP about surgical options". Blankly.. i said "um.. surgical options to diabetes?" .. last i heard, there was no cure and removing one's pancreas doesn't work. she smiles politely and says "no dear.. weight loss surgery".
Keep in mind that this woman probably weighs about the same amount that I do except she's about 4 feet tall and looks like the old lady in Poltergeist.
I was BLOWN AWAY. You're mentioning weight loss SURGERY to me? Two things... I've lost 60 lbs since October when I was diagnosed with Type 2 and actually went on meds to help control it (and to deal with my PCOS issues). Second.. I have friggin ulcerative colitis.. just how much of my digestive system do you want to lop off? what happens if my colon goes on me down the road.. do we just want to just connect my mouth up to my @ss (some might argue that the connection is already in place)?
wtf? (mom.. ask beck what that one means.. it's like "lol" but different.)
So.. being an engineer.. I decided to think back to some of my major milestones where I can remember my weight.. like when Shiela moved here, at different points during my infertility treatments, when ben was conceived, when ben was born, and then of course.. this last 6 months since the Type 2 hit, which has been my biggest fluctuation to date. Here's a graph:
I'm mortified STILL that she would recommend this surgery to someone who is down to 186 lbs from over 250 (i stopped getting on the scale, but at one point i was gaining a pound a day) in less than six months. I haven't been in the 180's since I was in college! I'm officially out of the "morbidly obese" range and have been for a while.. and I'm one BMI point from being out of the "obese" range.. give me a week and I'll just be "overweight".
I have two HUGE things weighing (hahaha) on me for this.. #1.. i want to be able to keep up and play with my son and do all of the things that I want to do with him.. like go on rides at Disney World and coach his t-ball team (or mentor his chess club.. depending on his personality.. :) and #2.. we'd like to at least attempt to give Ben a little brother or sister.. and after the trainwreck that was my first pregnancy.. I refuse to even start treatment until my BMI is in the "normal" range.. so I've got 30 pounds to go.
Friggin "surgical options" my butt.
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